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the notebook > Изюм (записи, возможно интересные автору дневника)

кратко / подробно
Вчера — среда, 23 января 2019 г.
. Kieren 22:11:37

don't wanna start another­ fire

would u miss me
if I'm gone
[ Are we human ] Earl Sher. 19:39:41

Fire Fox.

Приближается февраль.
Семья начинает капать на мозги празднованием моего дня рождения.
И никого вот не волнует, что я не хочу отмечать.
Я не хочу всей этой суеты, кучу народа, готовку, беготню.
Я просто хочу торт со свечками. И все.
Но разве семье это объяснишь?
Да и для свечей я "уже взрослый".
Но от родственников не отвертишься.
Придется как-то пережить этот день.

Настроение крайне е b a n o e.
Чувствую себя прогнившим человеком.
А ведь так хотел быть достойным и хорошим.

И почему я такой?

Хочется объятий.
Но я, кажется, слишком прогнил.
Я не знаю, где взять силы для того, чтобы не впасть в апатию.

Но для окружающих я снова буду говорить, что все отлично.
Скрывать истинное состояние за улыбкой и смехом.
Так привычно.


понедельник, 21 января 2019 г.
;dead kaine de walfish в сообществе дом для тихони 12:12:30

хуже всех



Категории: Самая заботливая;, Эпиг;
показать предыдущие комментарии (12)
13:43:57 iron blyat
BOMB KAINE Пожалуйста)
14:01:58 psychomantis
HEYK VEC пожалуйста с:
15:43:24 villay
VILL ANJI пожалуйста
17:54:20 канцлер Н. Ролен
А не подскажешь откуда эта страничка вообще? Из какой манги?
Сиденья с подогревом Бичарa 10:14:23
(ссылка в коммах)
10:14:32 Бичарa
воскресенье, 20 января 2019 г.
if (i == 1010000001001111000­110011) {return true;} Archelia 22:12:01
Наверно, стоит ради интереса и будущей памяти записать всё то, что приходило в голову в этот месяц. Что произошло.
Потому что было действительно много разных мыслей и несколько событий.
Но не сейчас
Сейчас мпсис, да

Музыка СБПЧ - Живи хорошо
its that time of the year cedb 12:13:22

все ненавижу
пятница, 18 января 2019 г.
It's not my fault. Please. Make it stop. Someone. Rairakku no Chou 13:16:04
It's not my fault.

Make it stop.

m3ss4ge to a nobody questionable reality 11:22:11
i am just another human being, im not talented, i dont strive for anything great in life, im just another animal of a kind. I am what you would call just a human pelt. A body to use, giving a reason for its worthless space taking life. And i dont mean sexually, more of eventually fulfilling somebody’s living, what our society calls a marriage. If not, i’ll try to live quietly, without interfering with other animal’s livings. Other than that, i am a nobody. A little nobody living in their zone of comfort, which at some point i have realised, finding pathetic. but there isnt anything i can do about it. I could learn basic skills like other humans do, in order to survive in the community. But i am talentless, im not good in sciences nor mathematics, although, i like art, but what im capable of isnt enough to express it. besides, i’ve lost hope in humans being able to understand the art. I think, as a human race - we failed. and im no exception. The only think im certain about that i am capable of - is thinking. a skill that most of our generation isnt capable of anymore. their lives are filled with the innovations of our society that does everything ,preventingthem from thinking. So much entertainment, they have no need to fill their heads with thoughts. but its no news, just an obvious fact that people tend to ignore. Which i think is even more pathetic than my enjoyment of my comfort zone. I am physically satisfied of my living to no limitations, but i ache inside. I ache from the lack of hope of this world. I am disappointed. Its hard to believe that this is life - and thats as far as it gets. Its so disappointing to realise that im just another organism, living on this one planet out of numberless in the universe, just another small organism living its sad life, in the made up society that we think is created morally correct, we? not even me, i was born in someone’s imaginary world. the regulations that are set upon this world are not even real. but being carried away, this is not the main point. the point is that, life is an experiment. my life is just another experiment of 8 billions on this planet, of the human race. i have only known pleasure in life, sadness as well. ive been in the despair, but i have never been to the bottom. i ache, because i lack the understanding and the knowledge of the reality. i ache, because im a nobody, and its the truth of the fact. i ache, because i question the point of MY life. i ache from people’s stupidity and ignorance. thats where my story starts with you. i am glad to have met you, somebody who sees beyond what is ethical. someone, i believe is a thinker too, yet stuck in the grey routine of the reality. we arent getting any time, we are just losing it. second by second. and i think you understand it. Yet, i dont wanna create any philosopher out of myself, i am an animal with basic instincts. i could’ve said that my interest and admiration of you has grown into feelings, but who, from all of the people i know, knows that they dont really have its place, more than you. your existence gives me certain emotional impulses, but giving it a thought, i think that youre right. Freud is right, and all of our decisions are based on sex. my interest in you was based on it, for sure. my emotions are based on it. my care for you is no more than sexual drive and respect in admiration. if it was broken down, theres no more to that. i like speaking to a person like you. consequently, i am capable of nothing but think and suck on all of the knowledge i can fit in my brainpan. I also think that one of the steps towards relieving the unbearable pains within, is hitting the bottom. I am fond of despair, pain, hopelessness because i think that the world (the world that we know) is truly consistent of that, all my pleasures and comfort is just an illusion that i used to live in, but i awoke. my life is just an experiment and i want to get to the bottom of understanding. Due to myself just being another basic animal, i dont dare deny it. the common instinct of self survival wouldnt let me ‘hit the bottom’, truly understand and concur the pain that we know. I believe physical pain evolves into the one within, the knowledge of this life’s horrors. My flesh is just a road to take towards the inspiration and enlightenment of my mind. or so, that is my belief. As in, for you. You bring hope to my life for gaining that enlightenment. apart from that yourself attracting me in an animal way. You think, you became my online friend. now i understand that your presence helped me understand what i want better. or in other words, my unexplainable ‘feelings’ for you were questioned, and i attempted to find an answer to it. You raise a curiosity in me. and for now, you are the only person i think i can share such ideas with. apart from that, despite our miles away, i would trust you with helping me understand all the despairs of the world that i live in - one of the versions of this world, the one i try to understand. i mean, we all have our sets of eyes, and i explained how i see with mine. The other nights requests that i made, were out of nowhere. I was hit with a sudden emptiness and void, i didnt know why and was unsure if you wanted to know. eventually my mind was suffering from an unknown encounter. i didnt have the power of words to express it. not knowing why, but leading me to the desire of being hurt by you. so maybe, heres why, the concept that would answer your questions. youre quite an important figure of my conclusions lately, so i wanted to be honoured to be hurt in a special way, maybe with some feeling towards me, apart from the cold satisfaction of seeing somebody getting hurt. i didnt wanna be a somebody. i still dont, and thats the answer my questions were targeted for, which i was still unsure about. unsure whether youd enjoy my pain any more than other people you know. but then again, i think im a web nobody to you. but its not the point, again. Coming to a conclusion as to why i said all this - i woke up with a clear mind, and it was hurting.

Like i said, i like art, but im not an artist. yet. I think i could turn my life into a canvas, which could be made into a masterpiece with my living suffering, which i think a person who understands my art, such as yourself could be the right assistant for.
B оскорбление чувств верующих 06:15:28
I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You're gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud...
M оскорбление чувств верующих 04:11:00
четверг, 17 января 2019 г.
in my mind дeсс 20:07:32


очень эмоциональный день. и как-то безумно жалко, что он заканчивается на такой негативной ноте.
сама не ожидала от себя такой реакции, вот это еб8аная привычка пропускать все через себя.
показать предыдущие комментарии (17)
18:11:12 IrеY
Не знаю. 2 месяца же ждать. Жив пока)
11:37:17 дeсс
Аааа, офигеть как долго! Но обычно да, столько и проверяют. забылось)
11:49:57 IrеY
Это регламент. Проверяют меньше, обычно. Со мной мужик был, он бывший военный. В 4 областях жил. Вот там долго проверять будут. Бесокнечные запрросы в региональные отделы
17:22:24 дeсс
Ну надеюсь, что не слишком надолго со всем этим затянут) Уууу, вот это реально жесть
if (i == 1000000111001010100­110011) {return true;} Archelia 10:28:58
Надо уметь делать правильный выбор
И правильно расставлять приоритеты
И не бояться говорить, когда это необходимо
И уметь выкручиваться после того, как понял что с верхними тремя утверждениями дико-предико налажал. Да так, что всё вокруг в говне
If I were you, I wouldn't love me neither Fаker 09:01:34
все будет

the notebook > Изюм (записи, возможно интересные автору дневника)

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